AN OPEN & URGENT MEMO TO BERT
TO: Bert/Sesame Street
FROM: The Grooming Guys
RE: Your Unibrow & Setting A Poor Example
Dear Bert:
This has gone on long enough. For awhile we brushed it off as being quirky and cute, letting it slide because of your status as an iconic character on a classic children's series. We bit our collective tongues as you continually ignored what was apparent to everyone -- turning a blind eye to the monstrosity right above your own eyes.
Somebody has to say it Bert. And as two guys tasked with promoting good grooming to a new generation of men, it might as well be us. This ends today. Bert...
WE DEMAND YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR UNIBROW!
It is the worst unibrow offense we've seen in our more than 20 years in the industry. There is nary even a hint of eyebrow separation that would lead to it being referred to with the proper plural (eyebrows). Even if not intentional, this unibrow is having an extremely negative impact on the grooming of young gentlemen. It communicates to them that it's OK to have a unibrow (the worst of the poor grooming offenses) and subjects them to certain ridicule down the line.
C'mon Bert, you're better than that. To be honest, we're shocked that your best pal, Ernie, with his obsessiveness with bathing (i.e., Rubber Ducky), didn't give you a head's up on this. Guess you find out who you're real friends are in times like this?
Anyway, with your new season set to kick off next week, we demand that you do some division and turn that single unibrow into two distinct eyebrows. If not, The Grooming Guys and our loyal followers will officially boycott your show and continue to do so until time as you see it fit to use some tweezers or come to our store for a eyebrow waxing.
We're doing it for the kids.
Respectfully,
Michael & Pirooz
The Grooming Guys
